How to Cut up a Pineapple. My first video post!

It's my first video post!  And, it's about my favorite fruit: Pineapple!

"Carrots are Nature's candy."  Screw carrots, pineapples are truly Nature's candy.  That's just something the Carrot Lobby has been pushing to get us all to see better.  I'm mean, seriously, carrot cake is barely even cake.  It's a vegetable bread masquerading as a dessert.

Pineapples are naturally sweet without the aid of sugar, great for you digestion, and smell great when you accidentally spill the juice on your shirt.  Carrots are orange.

As this is my first time filming a video I cannot promise you perfection.  I did the whole thing in one take because I'm lazy and afraid of editing equipment.  That being said, I think it came out pretty well and it will hopefully give you the confidence to cut up your own pineapple instead of just relying on the canned variety.

Unfortunately, my card filled up before I could show you what I did with the pineapple top (hence the weird ending point).  But, it's pretty simple.

What You'll Need:

• Pineapple top - Not to be confused with a muffin top or apple bottom.
• Hands - Doesn't have to be your own.  The small nimble hands of child labor will do just fine.
• A glass - A jar is okay if it's big enough.
• Water - Tap water will work if you cannot walk 3 miles to the village well.

1.  Pull off the leaves closest to the bottom of the pineapple top.  You want to strip away enough that you don't have leaves soaking in water.  Soaking leaves leads to mushy rot water.

2.  Put water in the glass.

3.  Put the pineapple top in the glass of water.

4. Take a nap because you've exhausted yourself.


I will probably need to transfer my pineapple top to a bigger water receptacle later, but this will do for now.  Once a good root system starts to form I will transfer the whole thing to a pot.  Ideally, it will start to grow and a couple of years from now I will have a wonderful pineapple plant.  Realistically, it will probably die by the end of this week because I am the Plant Grim Reaper.

Now, about that rind...

Italian Ice

 "Summertime, and the livin' is easy!" According to Porgy and Bess, summertime involves fish, cotton, and rich daddies.  Afterwards, everyone lives happily ever after. I'm pretty sure Porgy becomes a stockbroker and Bess is his desperate housewife, or something like that.
Wow. That got off track really fast.
What I meant to say is that summer is fast approaching!  Around our apartment, summer means Italian ice!  I try to keep one or two flavors of Italian ice in our freezer at all times throughout the season.  It's quick, refreshing, and not too heavy on the calories.
My Italian ice recipe is an adaptation of one I found on Epicurious.com.  I used plums, pluots, and raspberries; but most fruit are adaptable to the recipe.  I think stone fruit and berries make the best ices.  Be creative!
Ingredients
- approximately 2 cups of fruit (I used 1 plum, 2 pluots, and eyeballed the raspberries)
- a heaping 1/4 cup of sugar
- approximately 4 to 5 cups of crushed or small cubes of ice
* You can probably sense that this is a very forgiving recipe.  None of my numbers are set in stone.  Everything can be adapted to suit your tastes.
Tools You'll Need
- 1 glass dish (Mine is an 8x8 Pyrex casserole dish)
- A blender
- (optional) An immersion blender

'Do I... Do I dare to eat a...plum?'

1. Put the glass dish into the freezer for approximately 30 minutes.
2. Put the fruit in the blender and sprinkle the sugar on top.  Shake the sugar so that it gets into the nooks and crannies of the fruit. I use my immersion blender for this part, but I'm sure it's easier to put it directly into the regular blender.

"Pour some sugar on me!" Naughty little raspberries.

3. Purée the fruit and sugar.  Taste the purée.  Add sugar or fruit as you see fit, but remember that the ice will water down the taste slightly.

This looks like I'm preparing for a scene in Carrie.

4. Put the purée into the pitcher blender (if it isn't already there), and top with ice.  Pulse until most of the ice is incorporated into the purée.  Then run the blender until you get a smooth uniform color.  Be patient. This part takes a few minutes, but is worth the wait. You're looking for a smooth finish, no crunchy ice.

5. Pour the mixture into your chilled glass dish. Put the dish in the freezer for about 30 minutes to firm.

6. Bask in the joy of Italian ice.

Why matryoshka? Because Italian ice is now a Russian dessert? 

How to read a recipe

For some people cooking is intimidating.  There is a pressure to get everything "right".  The fear of screwing up the family meal often leads folks to stay inside their food comfort zone: food from a box, only canned food, salad, etc., etc.
Well, in this brave new world of ours there is no reason for that.  The internet is literally rife with recipes.  Recipes for almost anything you could ever want, and many things no one wants.  Recipes can also be overwhelming for the uninitiated, but I am here to help!
A recipe is just a set of instructions.  The first time someone told you how to tie your shoe was probably a little stressful.  They wouldn't give you back your Rainbow Bright velcro sneakers and were forcing you to use a piece of string capped by an aglet.  I mean, how is that even practical?  The little strings are always coming undone and dragging through puddles.  Wet shoestrings suck!
Um...
My point is, some of us got over it.  You learned how to tie your shoe, and can walk around all big and bad without tripping over yourself.  You followed the instructions.

1.  Read the recipe

Pancake recipe by Diana Rattray. I've never used this recipe, but the pancakes look so pretty!

I'm sure that sounds condescending, but there are people that will glance at a recipe and then try to prepare it without reading through to the end.  Those people usually end up frustrated.
Read it through at least 2 or 3 times.  Sometimes the author puts in notes that you may need to heed.  Sometimes you may not have everything on the list and will need to make a substitution.  Reading will tell you how long a recipe will actually take to prepare.  Some parts may take longer than others, and some things need to be done quickly. 
Reading a recipe is similar to reading a map, you need to be prepared for the journey.


2. Define words you don't know
Do you know what "fricassee" means?  No?  Google it.  Actually, you don't have to, I linked to it.  You're welcome!
Your recipe may have terms or even foods that you're unfamiliar with.  Luckily, we have the great and mighty Google...and the sweet little Bing...and Altavista?  If the internet isn't good at anything else it's good at giving you information, and porn.  There is a lot of porn on the internet.  You should always wash your hands when you're finished using the internet.


3. Mise en place

Prepping for chicken tagine. My kitchen is huge by New York standards!

Mise en place will make your cooking life so much easier.  It literally means "putting in place."
Take out your ingredients, measure them out, and make them accessible to you as you cook.  This will also tell you if you're missing any ingredients before you start cooking.  Trying to get things on the fly will distract you and often leads to culinary mistakes.


4. Get rid of distractions

Distracting.

Speaking of distractions, get rid of them.  I'm not saying you must work in silence.  Music, or a tv show that doesn't require much attention, playing in the background are fine.  But, if you are engrossed in an episode of Hannibal (as you should be) or Game of Thrones you aren't paying attention to what is happening on your stove.  Your stove...where there is food that you don't want to burn...and fire.
*In the case where you are making a roux, all bets are off.  Your life, for the few minutes it takes to make it, is the roux.  I don't even take calls from my mother when I'm making a roux.  And, you know what, she understands.  I call her back and explain.  She's proud that she's raised me right.


5. Start!
Don't let the first step overwhelm you.  Don't over think it.  Just start and focus on the task at hand.  Focusing on preparing the food that goes into your body can be an active form of meditation.  Cooking well forces you to be in the moment.  Oooo! Look, a health benefit! 
Also, don't be afraid to mess up.  You're going to burn something.  You're going to use salt instead of sugar.  You're going drop your beautiful cake on the floor.  It will happen.  It doesn't make you a failure, it makes you human.  Accept that as a fact and move on. 

Once you're done cooking your fabulous meal, pat yourself on the back and wash your dishes.  No, seriously.  Wash your dishes.