Even when it's bad, it's good... pizza.

There are times I get on this kick where I tell myself that I'm going to make everything from scratch.  From my condiments, to my drinks, to my spices.  And, it can be done.  Just not by me.  You may not know this about me, but I'm not a wealthy woman of leisure.  There is nothing wrong with a little semi-homemade recipe now and then. 
When I say semi-homemade I don't mean the Sandra Lee version where she takes processed food and mixes it with other processed food and it costs more than it would have if she had made from scratch and also takes more time. (Please don't diagram that sentence.) I'm talking about semi-homemade that doesn't break your bank, doesn't suck up your time, and doesn't hurt your health.
You know what's good to eat? Pizza.  You know what's easy to make? Pizza. You know what takes less than 30 minutes to put on the table? Scrambled eggs.  Seriously, those are like 5-7 minutes tops.  But, also pizza.
One of the great things about pizza is that you can put just about anything on it.  I have put shrimp, shredded brussel sprouts, basil, ground beef, whatever feels right to me at the time and the pizza just goes with the flow. Also, you don't need anything fancy.  Did your apartment come with an oven? You can make pizza! Do you have a baking sheet?  You can make pizza! Do you have hands? You can help me clean my apartment!
Now, you can make the dough from scratch.  I have done it, and it doesn't take much time.  But, you can also get tasty pre-made dough from Trader Joe's for $1.19.  There are other places that make dough, but Trader Joe's is my favorite.
The recipe today is not written in stone.  This is just how I usually throw a pizza together. 

Ingredients:
1 bag of Trader Joe's brand pizza dough (Not the wheat dough.  If you love your family stay away from the wheat dough.)
1 small can of plum tomatoes diced, chopped, or whole (You can use any type of tomato, I'm just a fan of the plum.)
1/2 cup of fresh basil
1 clove of garlic
Mozzarella cheese
Red pepper flake
Salt

Four (4) servings

Instructions:
Preheat the oven to 500 degrees. 

1. Take the pizza dough out of the refrigerator.  It needs to warm up for about 20 minutes.  Cold pizza dough is not very pliable.

2. Drain as much of the tomato juice off as possible (Save this juice for another recipe. Possibly, to use with tomato paste instead of water.) 

Don't stare! The tomatoes are naked!

2. Put tomatoes, basil, garlic, and red pepper flake in your food processor. Or blend with your hand blender.  If you don't have either of these, you can also chop everything up by hand. Drain off the excess water and add more red pepper flake and salt to taste.

3. Cut up your mozzarella. Don't eat too much of it while it is sitting helplessly on the plate.  You still have to get it on the pizza.

"Sweet mystery of life! At last, I've found you!"

 4. Turn out your dough onto a floured surface.  Knead it a couple of times then start stretching it.

 5. Oil your baking sheet and shape your dough into a generalized pizza shape on it.

Pizza-shaped.

6. Spoon your sauce onto your dough, leaving the edges sauce-free.  

Nail polish: Sugar Daddy by Essie.

 7. Arrange your mozzarella on top of the sauce (Stop eating the mozzarella!), and put oil on the sauce free-edges.  I put butter on mine.

I get so little use out of my pastry brush that I break it out whenever I can.

In a weird artistic moment, I drizzled butter over the whole pizza.  I can't explain it.

 8. Throw that bad boy in the oven for about 10 minutes!  That's an expression.  Please don't throw things.  Be a grown-up.

The bad boy.

9. Ten minutes is a guesstimate (spell-check says that's a real word).  Use your nose.  If you smell something burning, check on it.

10. Voila! You are now a pizza chef!

Whip It Baby! Whip It Right! Whipped Cream!

 Is it cheaper to make whipped cream at home or to buy at the store.  To be perfectly honest, I don't care.
Once you taste homemade whipped cream the stuff that comes from the spray can or the freezer no longer cuts it.  It doesn't last forever like the processed stuff (it's best served immediately), but the processed stuff feels like it leaves a slimy film on my tongue. 
I guess if you eat a lot of whipped cream at home (why?) then it's probably cheaper to buy the ready made stuff, but it still won't be as good as making it yourself.  And, you can add alcohol to it!  Bourbon and rum work very well in whipped cream.
Also, it's so simple!  It takes three ingredients and a whisk.  At this point I don't even use a recipe.  I just adjust my sugar and vanilla to the proportions I'm in the mood for.  But, in the interest of those just starting out we will be using Chowhound.com's recipe. 

 INGREDIENTS

• 1 cup heavy cream (Also known as whipping cream)
• 1 tablespoon granulated sugar (You can also use confectioner's sugar)
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Chill the clean bowl of a stand mixer and the whisk attachment in the freezer for 10 minutes. (I often forget to do this.)

 

2. Add all of the ingredients to the bowl and whisk on high speed until medium peaks form, about 1 minute. 

I usually start out with the stand mixer, but get frustrated and move on to the whisk.

(Alternatively, you can use a hand whisk and a large chilled bowl. Whisk all of the ingredients until medium peaks form, about 2 to 3 minutes.) 

Oh, not much to see, just a little foam.

 

What is this witchcraft?!? 

 

 

Sweet sassy molassy! It's whipped cream!

 

3. Serve immediately. 

 

Serve with hot chocolate. Or cookies. Or pie. Or just eat directly from the bowl. 

Shopping tips

Russians really know how to display their pasta.

When I was younger I thought going to the grocery store was a form of legalized torture.  Now, I kind of enjoy it.  Makes me feel like a grown-up.

Here are a few tips to make your trip to the grocery store less of a trip of soul-sucking pain.

1. Don't be a one stop shopper.
Stores count on us to be lazy.  It's easy to shop in one big store for all your needs, but it isn't always best for your wallet or the quality of your food. There are stores that pride themselves on being one-stop shopping experiences.  What incentive do they have to make sure your produce is fresh?  Why should they bother to check the sell by date on your meat?  If they know you're going to keep shopping there out of convenience they don't need to do better.  Why should they charge a competitive price on those items? They're going to get your money any way.
I know sometimes you're pressed for time and a tomato feels like, well, a tomato.  And, yeah, sometimes you just need the item.  All I'm saying is try not to make a habit of it.  Why pay more for much less? 
You have options:  Farmer's markets, grocery stands, other neighborhoods.  Look around. On top of getting a better price for better quality food you also get to have a little adventure by leaving your familiar surroundings.

2. Make a plan.
This should go without saying, but imma say it.  Don't go to the store hungry.  It never it ends well.  It usually ends with a bunch of ice cream sandwiches in your cart that you eventually eat over the sink...that's what I heard.
When you make a list you're looking at what you need to have in your house for more than one meal.  It helps you to be mindful about what you're putting in your cart and, by extension, your body.  Do you really need a bag of Cheez Doodles or did they just seem like a good idea when you passed them on shelf?  What meal are the Cheez Doodles rounding out?  Seriously, dude, they couldn't even be bothered to spell out "cheese" properly! It was just one more letter!

It seemed like you could use a picture of a puppy.

3. Have staples.
In most kitchens there should at least be salt and pepper.  That is the bare minimum.  What do you like to cook?  And, if you're new to cooking, what do you like to eat (Don't say Cheez Doodles.  Let it go.) because you can learn to cook that.  What are the ingredients do you need to cook your favorite foods? Are there any ingredients that are used in more than one dish?  Start with those as your staples.
Staples can include: pasta, rice, eggs, bread, milk, and oil.
I like to bake.  I always have butter, sugar, and flour on hand.  Also cream cheese.  Because cream cheese is made of goodness and light. I also like spicy, flavorful foods so I keep garlic, ginger, a variety of peppers and pepper sauces on hand. Having staples means you have the basics on hand to make just about anything you want. You may have to buy a vegetable or meat to go with it, but you have food on hand. 
From the above list I could boil pasta, toss it with garlic, sprinkle with pepper, and add vegetables or meat to it if I would like.  Dinner in less than 30 minutes.
Decide what works for you.

4. The internet is your friend.
Feeling a little bored with your food?  Not sure what to make?  Call the internet!  Well, not call...you know what I mean.
There are a lot of recipe websites out there.  They can help you make substitutions to your recipes, help you make vegan brownies, and explain to you what Buddha's hands are. There are recipes for just about anything you want to try.  I found recipes for Girl Scout cookies just the other day (you know I will be posting about those...).  Why this blog can be found right here on the internet!

5. Don't be afraid to experiment.
Now, if you're rolling pennies together to make a meal experimenting with food may be the last thing on your mind. But, trying new things doesn't have to be expensive.  Sometimes it turns out to be the more cost-effective choice.  Maybe instead of Red Delicious apples you try a Jazz or Fiji apple.  Instead of buying chocolate chip cookies you make chocolate chip cookies (with the added bonus of your home smelling like chocolate chip cookies, and probably paying less for them).  Maybe try adding more herbs to your food, making salt less of a necessity.  There is a great big food world out there, why get stuck eating the same thing day after day?  What do you have to lose by trying out a new recipe?  If it doesn't work for your palate, you know not to try it again.  But, if it does work...
The food world is your oyster!  Be creative! Be excited! And, step away from the Cheez Doodles.